Episode 91
Preparing Millennials for the Next Phase: Perimenopause and Beyond with Lauren Tetenbaum
This conversation with Lauren Tetenbaum revealed how her journey from reproductive rights lawyer to therapist led her to write "Millennial Menopause" after realizing she had no idea what was coming next in her late 30s. Her unique perspective combines legal advocacy, mental health expertise, and millennial pop culture references to make perimenopause education accessible and relatable.
Lauren emphasized that millennials are still being dismissed by providers with harmful phrases like "you're too young" and "your labs are normal so you're fine." She stressed that perimenopause can start in the late 30s and that normal lab results don't rule out hormonal changes. The shadow of the Women's Health Initiative continues to create unnecessary fear about hormone therapy, with breast cancer concerns being the most common question she receives.
The discussion highlighted how perimenopause intersects with major life transitions that define the millennial experience - career changes, relationship evaluations, and identity shifts. Lauren and I discussed while men experience "midlife crisis," women going through perimenopause often experience "midlife clarity" once they understand and treat their hormonal changes. This clarity sometimes leads to relationship changes as women reevaluate what they want and deserve.
A significant focus was placed on the mental health impact of perimenopause, particularly for women with previous anxiety or depression. Lauren explained that old coping mechanisms often stop working, and symptoms like rage, brain fog, and irritability can feel overwhelming. She advocates for psychoeducation as the first step, helping women understand that these changes are hormonally driven and treatable, not character flaws.
Lauren shared practical coping strategies including mindfulness techniques like box breathing, cold water on wrists or neck, and "putting the pause back in menopause." She emphasized the importance of partners getting educated and helping with the mental load rather than just witnessing the struggle. Her approach combines cognitive behavioral therapy with self-compassion work and acceptance.
Highlights:
- Why millennials need to start preparing for perimenopause now, even in their 30s.
- Debunking the "too young" myth and normal lab fallacy.
- How perimenopause creates "midlife clarity" vs traditional midlife crisis.
- Practical mindfulness techniques: box breathing, cold water therapy, five senses grounding.
- The connection between postpartum mental health and perimenopause preparation.
- Why partners need education and how to support without judgment.
If this episode helped you understand millennial perimenopause preparation and mental health support, help other women find this conversation by subscribing to the channel and leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. Your reviews help more women discover these important discussions about preparing for life's next phase.
Connect with Lauren:
Connect with me:
Mentioned in this episode:
GSM Collective
The GSM Collective - Chicago Boutique concierge gynecology practice Led by Dr. Sameena Rahman, specialist in sexual medicine & menopause Unrushed appointments in a beautiful, private setting Personalized care for women's health, hormones, and pelvic floor issues Multiple membership options available Ready for personalized women's healthcare? Visit our Chicago office today.
Transcript
hey y'all, welcome back to Gyno Girl Presents Sex, Drugs and Hormones. I'm Dr. Samina Rahman. Remember I'm here to educate so you could advocate for yourself. Today I'm joined by the amazing Lauren Tettenbaum, a licensed clinical social worker, lawyer, women's rights advocate and.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:author of her new amazing book, Millennial Menopause, Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause, and Life's Next Period. Lauren brings such a unique perspective, combining her legal background, mental health expertise, and passion for supporting women through transitions in identity, motherhood, career, and reproductive life. We're going to dive into what it means to navigate menopause and midlife as a millennial and why this conversation is so crucial.
Hopefully this will air still in September, which is period menopause awareness month. But anyway, Lauren, welcome to, I'm trying to think of, I have this new acronym. I'm just trying to use sex drugs, SDH. Lauren, welcome to SDH.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Thank you. Thank you for having me. I've been a long time fan.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah, you as well. I'm super excited to have this conversation with you. And I think it's so crucial. Because I always say, I'm kind of at this juncture between Gen X and millennials, that we are the generation that, what did I say? We were 30 at age 10, and now we're 30 at age, whatever, 50, people want to talk about. But it's like, we're trying to reclaim sort of
Lauren Tetenbaum (:None.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:this moment in time too. And I'm so happy to see like so many millennials speaking up about their perimenopause and menopause experiences. But let's just dive right in. So I wanna talk a little bit about your journey. Like you started out as a lawyer, then became sort of, and became a therapist and a huge women's health advocate. How did your path lead to you writing this? Like in this women's, in...
You were in a mental health space, you were in a law space, and now you're specifically writing about millennial menopause. Tell me how that path came to be.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:So the more I think about it, the seeds were always planted. I was on stage in college doing the vagina monologues, talking about periods. I taught sex ed. I went to law school to be a reproductive rights advocate. through twists and turns like we all have, I now practice in private practice as a psychotherapist, specifically supporting women and moms. And as I was in my late 30s, I realized I had no idea what
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Thank
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:was coming next. And I thought if I don't know, what does everyone else not know? And it turns out they didn't know much.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah. Yeah. And you weren't being taught much and you're not, you're not, you have to learn it all by yourself for the most part, right? And so you came to decide to write this book. Like, why did you feel so compelled to write specifically toward the millennials?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I am fully a millennial girly. I know you read the book and I hope you appreciated all the fun pop culture.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. I was having a mention like backstreet ball, you know, all the things I was like, yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:All the things. I actually got to meet the Batchy Boys a couple weeks ago in Vegas, so that was, you know, a life highlight. They wrapped up this leg of the tour and they're going again. So if anyone wants to come with me, I'm your girl. I'll go get, I'll go back. Let's go.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I think that's awesome. Wait, are they still in Vegas?
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yo, listen down,
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Let's go. But yeah, I think it's really important to bring levity even to difficult topics. And menopause, as you know, is universal, even though we all go through it differently, but it's important to bring our unique perspectives. And I feel like I'm a relatable therapist and healthcare provider. I talk to my clients the way I would friends with compassion, with humor. And I wanted to write the book in the tone that reflects me authentically.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Okay.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Totally. then it totally, you're right. Everything that you're saying kind of came through in your book. So I loved that you were able to capture that. Do you think that millennials are approaching, I mean, we know like the poor boomers, they kind of got left out of the equation a lot because of, know, we always talk about this, women's health initiative and everything, but are you seeing millennials approach, you know, perimenopause, menopause differently than say Gen X?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Thank you.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:It's interesting. I think they're starting to, but 100 % the question that I got asked the most was will hormone therapy cause breast cancer? So that shadow of the WHI is still very much with us. And we're still seeing providers say things like, well, you're too young, don't worry about it. Or there's nothing we can do about it. So I think that we are starting to push back, but there's a lot of work to do.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:totally. And I think one of the
issues that I see, like when I see someone that's, you know, in their late thirties and they come to me and they have every classic symptom of perimenopause, but they'll go into a clinician that's not as well versed and they'll find out like, well, my labs are normal. So that means I'm, know, and so they totally, and I, and I know like the thought behind a lot of the physicians who are talking or, the people that they hear like, oh, you're too young for this. And they think that it's like somehow going to make this patient feel better. But at the end of the day, it's
It's just totally like gaslighting them. I want to know the answers. Tell me what's really happening. I do think that there's still so much work to be done in that capacity.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Dismissive. Yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yeah, a friend said to me yesterday and she's 45. She said no doctor has ever mentioned the word perimenopause to me even mentioned it and I really think you know, of course, it's not Dr. Spaltz. I don't want to blame them for their lack of training. But it's time for change.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah. I mean, I always say it's like we have a system that's failing women across the board. So I think what's interesting is that I do think that, you know, I would say like, well, we give kids puberty talks and, know, they don't even know how to use it half the time. And we should start using and introducing this like cougar puberty as they're calling it. Did you see that? They're calling it cougar puberty.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I did. A friend of mine, her little daughter who's six called it mommy puberty, which I liked. And of course not every woman is a mother, but I thought it was a good way for kids to get it.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah, I've told a lot of my guests this, but my six year old calls it scary Perry in my household. She's like, especially if I'm like really irritated one day and I'm like off the handle, like, you know, on a yelling rampage, mama is a scary Perry. Should I walk away?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:That's great. We should name it and normalize it and talk to our kids of all ages and genders about it because it's a natural part of human development. So I'm to get over it.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Absolutely. Totally.
I like a lot of what you talk about and what you stand for in terms of dealing with women in these transitional periods of time. We always talk about it. And I always talk about there's periods of time where we're susceptible to our transitioning hormones. There's like postpartum, there's perimenopause, there's times when people are doing fertility regimens and treatments and cancer treatments, all the things that are affecting our quality of life because these hormones are not just reproductive.
and sex hormones. But when you start to help people, your clients with like, you know, motherhood or career decisions or like navigating reproductive health, like how does menopause fit into that broader category of conversation of understanding who they are and their identity and everything like that?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:It's of course a huge part of our identity, not least of which is because our culture tends to vilify it and say, old lady, you have no value here anymore. Anti-aging, et cetera. I have seen the impact of just talking about menopause and perimenopause and explaining it.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:business.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:can be so profound because when we don't have the tools to talk about it, we feel so lonely and isolated in our experiences. We think we're imagining things. I know, you know, the phrase, I don't feel like myself or being told it's in your head. Those are pervasive for women and they shouldn't be right. And I see it a lot in the context of moodiness, whether my clients are suddenly very irritable with their husbands or their kids, or they're having brain fog at work.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Thanks.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:And it is sort of a reckoning of like, well, am I old? And what does this mean for me? And we educate and provide resources and it's been really cool to be able to do that.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I think it's interesting too, like there's a lot of, just got forwarded an article today around, you know, spouses dealing with menopause. you know, I think there's an article in the USA today about men.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Menno divorce, uh-huh.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:But the men of divorce and then the follow-up article was like men dealing with how to navigate menopause for their spouse and their partner if they're in a heteronormative relationship. So I think it's very interesting that so many conversations are being started across the board. Do you see a lot of people that are in like this transition in relationships as well?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Totally. I mean, frankly, in my personal life as well, I'm 40 and you know, all my friends were going through this and whether it is perimenopause and the hormonal changes or just a moment to reflect on your life and what makes you happy. I think a lot of women are re-evaluating what they want and deserve out of a relationship.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah, I always say that like men experience like a midlife crisis, but women when they kind of get a grip on like their hormones and they get treatment, they have like midlife clarity. Like all of a sudden, like it's like, this is a picture in my head that I don't need to stay with this person or maybe I do want to, but I just have to work at it more, that kind of thing.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yes.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Mm-hmm. Yeah, and there often is a lot of work to be done. And this, again, is not to criticize men in general. And I happen to have an extremely supportive and equitable partner. And that's why I wrote a chapter specifically for men, because I want men to be part of this conversation and to be allies in advocating for the health care we deserve.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I mean, how do you think they can, like, when you talk to your clients and maybe they sometimes they probably bring in, you know, their significant others, whoever they are, how do you talk to them about sort of helping their partner along this process?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:So there's, again, it starts with education, psycho education, letting them know that this is not the moodiness, for example, the irritability, the rage, that's not the fault of the woman. And so that
sets up, I think, a different narrative than what they were previously dealing with. And then helping their partner with the mental load, whether it's packing the school backpacks or researching the best local providers for hormone therapy, whatever it is that the woman needs, really being there for her without judgment.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:No, for sure. And I think just for them to even acknowledge that this is something they're going through, right? Like this is, for real. And people always come in the office and they're like, well, geez, everything perimenopause? Like, what is it? And it's like, it's a lot of things at once, I think, right? Like it's a lot of things happening to women at once.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:real.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:It is and that's why I appreciate very much the diagnosis of perimenopause. But in general, I like to treat the symptoms, not the diagnosis. So if you're stressed out or feeling stressed, what's going on? Is it something at work? Is it something at home? Is it your hormones? Is it all of the above? Let's figure it out so that you can feel better.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that comes into the equation like when we talk about the mental health struggles of women in midlife, right? And as a mental health specialist, how do you see sort of like anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, how is all of that being viewed in your office and impacted by perimenopause, menopause, all the things that you're seeing with the patients?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I am definitely seeing it and I'm so thankful that I now see it as a hormonal shift because until I had that education, while I was still of course helping my clients the best way I knew how, I didn't have that piece of referring to a doctor like you who could specialize with the biological impact, right? So I see a lot of that irritability popping up.
A lot of women who I've worked with for many years will come to me now and say, the old coping mechanisms that I used to work, that I used to use are no longer working. I don't want to be yelling, but I find myself yelling. It's a little bit of a different way that anxiety and depression are popping up for them. Certainly ADHD symptoms are exacerbated. And it's just so important to know yourself and know your baseline, to know what has worked for you.
and to also be open-minded that now might be time for something new.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:What kind of stuff do you help them do for someone that's, I've had anxiety all my life and this is the next level and I'm on these medications. What can I do from a cognitive health perspective?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:behavior. Yeah. So again, and I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but psycho education is so key because so many women have no clue that this is perimenopause. This is to be expected somewhat, and that there is help available. So many of my clients, I do guide them to have conversations with prescribers like yourself who can offer the up to date accurate information on hormone therapy.
I certainly think that that should be a tool in our toolbox if that's what they want and it's safe and effective. And then also the cognitive behavioral approach is to interpret situations in a different way. Think about the judgment that we so often are putting on ourselves and the guilt that we feel for yelling at our kids, for example, when we're in the very rage.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:We can be nicer to ourselves. We can do behavioral strategies like take deep breaths, put ice on our wrists, go outside, ask for help, things like
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah. Yeah. I will put ice on her wrist. That's interesting. On the finger. Right. Yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Hmm or on the back your neck. That's one of my favorites or cold water if you don't have ice
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Do you find that people that have more anxiety versus depression versus OCD, some of these things that you're experiencing are better off doing certain types of therapies or certain tools that you'll give them? I mean, because they're all so unique, right? I think that some of the...
cognitive behavioral therapies around desensitization and some of those things. Do you work a lot with that as well?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I do I like to bring in mindfulness a lot. And I was resistant personally, I used to think it was too woo woo. And then I really practiced it and have come to appreciate it so much. And so I think that that is a huge component of what I practice and what we've seen evidence based, it really does make a difference. I work with mostly high achieving women who are used to fixing things and feeling the sense of urgency. And usually things
aren't as urgent as they seem. So we work on that. We work on self-compassion, on acceptance, which I don't mean to make aging sound easy breezy, but I think there is so much beauty in saying, yes, I am getting older. It's an opportunity. If I don't feel good, I can get help. And thinking about it that way.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah. Well, mean, take me through like, you know, a small mindfulness exercise that you give your clients.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Sure, mean, there's just box breathing, four counts in, hold for four, four counts out. Just turning off screens is tremendous. Taking a shower and mindfully noticing the water course over your body or going back to cold water on your hands, washing your hands, really anything. And that's the gift of mindfulness that...
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:you can implement it wherever you are. If you're on a subway and it's crowded and loud, you can still sit, close your eyes, focus on your breathing. And if thoughts pop up, you can tell yourself, okay, I'm having these thoughts. They're not good or bad, right? Just notice them without judgment.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah. All right. Right. It's really about awakening other senses too, right? Like it's kind of like.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yeah, you can do the five senses, five things you see, four things you hear, things like that. And every person is different, but really just the pause makes all the difference, which is why I sort of laugh because, you know, let's put the pause back in menopause.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:It's true though, because we're always going, going, especially because we have so much that we carry, like the burdens that we carry as women, right? So.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:It is true.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:What do you, like, there's so much shame around aging and around, know, I always talk about how like ageism in this country is so significant that even though, you know, it feels like at least in our silos that like we hear everything about menopause and for me, sex med too, it's like, this is all I'm hearing ever. when I, sometimes when I'm out speaking to other people, it's really the first time they're hearing about it. And so, like, how do you help them dismantle the shame around it?
and start sort of rewriting, how do you help them navigate a new story for them?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Well, I wish I had a simple answer. Of course, it's it's not simple. And I will tell you that to this day, I tell people I wrote a book about menopause and people, you know, will give me a weird look and think, man, applause. And I call them out on it because I don't give a shit. I'm like, you have a problem with women's bodies. I'm aging. I do really strongly believe in a gratitude practice. I
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:We have all seen tragedy in our world, in our lives, and aging can be difficult. Again, I'm not trying to make it sound like it's easy breezy, but what a privilege it is, right? And I really believe in that. And I think with women especially, there's unfortunately so much pressure to look a certain way, to be youthful, always to be fertile.
And I wish I had a solution to tell women just embrace this new body. You're not supposed to look the way you did at 20. And I do believe that but I also understand that it's it's a tough position to be in. So I think as much self love you can give yourself, go for it.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
No, think that's probably one of the best things someone's ever told me about is really gratitude journaling. And I think that as you kind of approach like the mid age of your life, you're right. I mean, it's a gift to be able to age. And I think that when you lose someone you love, I think that's what's so eye opening. When I lost my mom this year, really woken me up. Like, what am I really doing? Like, what do I want to do?
like what are all the things that I feel like are really critical in this world? Because at the end of the day, can't take half of what you're trying to, your goals, whatever they are, right? You can't take half of it with you to the grave. And so.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Hmm.
We've only got one.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Right. No, that's so beautiful. Thank you.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:You know, and so it's like, really have to, and actually I've been doing a lot of, you know, in-depth evaluation around even sort of like people that have near death experiences and some of these things that they talk about. And a lot of it comes down to really like what you're talking about, really self-love and loving the people around you because you don't have much more that is left, you know, when it's like coming toward the end of life. I know this sounds so depressing now, but.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:No, but it's a reflection opportunity, right? And if you are feeling the ick about aging, let's wonder why are you not feeling fulfilled in certain areas? Is it your changing body, which there are things that we can work on. And I think it's important to really reflect and think about what is important to you so that you can live your life according to those values. And that that's where acceptance and commitment therapy comes in again.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah, no, that's wonderful actually. Because you used to practice law, right? How long were you a lawyer?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:So I worked in the legal industry for 10 years. had gone to school. I went straight to law school, hated the first year, also got my master's in social work. So I always practiced law with the lens of mental health and empathy and compassion. I practiced immigration law for a while, which I enjoyed very much. I am the daughter of an immigrant. I always wanted to give.
use my privilege to help those who didn't have what I had. And when I became a mom, I knew I needed a bit of a shift. So I worked in personnel roles and then COVID happened and I thought moms really need mental health support. Women really need mental health support. So I'm going to focus on that.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:What?
That's beautiful. And so do you sometimes ever like, I mean, cause you said that you used a lot of your mental health skills in law. Are you seeing like your ability to use your law degree and what you're doing now?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Mm.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:think so. That's what I love about social work. Not that it's exclusive to social workers, but social workers do have the mental health, the psychology background, and the social justice advocacy component. And I think that educating people, raising awareness about issues like women's in access to the healthcare they deserve, that is a way to use law and policy, encouraging people to vote for local officials, encouraging people to pay attention.
It's really, I mean, it sounds minor, but it's major. And so I think that my background of using my voice does come up.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah. That's great. I love that actually. I think that's really great. And I think it's very powerful actually. Especially because, you know, what's happening in our world these days. The world's on fire around us. And so it's like nice to know that like, you know, you can kind of center things that way and also, you know, try to push for advocacy in whatever capacity you can.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yep.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yeah. And that's why, you menopause might sound out of character for a lawyer turned therapist, but it's not because we're talking about women's mental health. We're talking about women's rights and bodily autonomy. And this book, yes, is about menopause, but it's about women. And it's been such a privilege to write it and to connect with other women about it.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Well, and also like, you know, we see that, you know, I don't know how in the, in the mental health world is probably similar, but like, even if you just look at, you know, our legal system and how it's changed for, you know, women's reproductive rights, of course, you know, we know that the more, you know,
things in place that prevent us from continuing to do research on women, right? Like all of these areas are gonna like ripple effect and eventually have, you know, potentially very dramatic effects on our ability to either access our care or, know, even learn. Yeah, exactly. And...
Lauren Tetenbaum (:learn. Yeah, or get period supplies in schools or get taxed on them, things like that, that we don't think of as part of the conversation, but they very much are sex ed.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Absolutely. Yeah, no, of course. Yeah. And so I think that the changing landscape is really profound, actually.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Profound is one word.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I'm fucked up right now. Anyway, what do you think one thing millennial women can start doing today to better prepare themselves for this next period of life, as you said? Yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yup.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I love a pun. So I really believe knowledge is power.
And I talk about this in the book, but we know that women who have had depression, for example, in the past are more susceptible to having another depressive episode during perimenopause. Now that might sound scary and alarming to some, but I view that as knowledge is power. And I similarly felt that way when I was becoming a mom because I've had my own mental health struggles. And when I was told that perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are quite common, quite recurrent for women who have
than before, I set myself up for success. I got a reproductive psychiatrist. I talked about it openly with my husband, my friends, things like that. I read about it. I learned about it. I knew what to look out for so that I could be best cared for. And that's what I feel about perimenopause and menopause in general, not just the mental health component, but reminding yourself that
It might happen and it might be tough, but resources are available. So just learn yourself, know what your normal is. Know if things are starting to bother you in and be different. And of course the good old fashioned, good sleep, good nutrition. Yeah. Weightlifting. I started weightlifting. That was something that I immediately changed when I was researching. said, I better get to the gym.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Gosh, yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:But it's good, it's never too late or too early.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:and
I think, you know, bringing up the whole motherhood picture, we know that, you know, that when women are in the peri-postpartum state, we have, you know, high rates of mental health issues that lead to maternal mortality, right? Like we know that's an enormous reason for maternal mortality. And so how do you help those patients? Like, and, know, there's this whole concept of like how so many women are having pregnancies later in life. And so some people go straight from postpartum into perimenopause.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:It's the highest cause.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:So I think there's so many elements there, right? But I think how do you, because I always found, you know, even as an OBGYN, like the one thing that we learned the least about in the obstetrics world is really how to take care of a postpartum patient. And that's why in my practice, like I really focus on fourth trimester here because I don't go to obstetrics anymore. But I've found that to be very compelling, not only as a doctor, but as someone that went through three postpartum periods. And every time I learned something, I was like, okay, my next one, I'm going to make sure this happens.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Mm.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:And by the time my third one hit, was like, I'm going to get it right this time. But how do you help someone like a first time mom navigate that? Because I feel like no one really, you're just so set up to deal with the baby. You're not set up to deal with how your body's changing, what's going to happen, you feel sexually, how you feel mentally, all the things. So it sounds, cause it sounds like you work a lot with the moms too.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I do and I love it and it's been really cool to work with women who are actually simultaneously postpartum and entering into perimenopause. I think every woman or parent, whether you're the birthing parent or not,
deserves a therapist or some sort of support system as they enter into this new chapter. Because even if you're not having a quote unquote disorder, it's a tremendous change. And knowing that you're not alone in navigating it, whatever it is, that is that's the key, right? And giving those tools to watch out for obviously, we want to watch out for emergency issues like psychosis, and also get them medication if that's what they need. But just the simple
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Huge.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:resource to say, this is a tough day or I haven't been outside today, know, what's happening with me. We want people to feel supported and mom's mental health is the best predictive factor of a healthy child. So we need to pay more attention to this.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I totally agree with you. I think that, you know, when they say it takes a community or a village, sorry, it's true. so like, you know, at some point, you know, know that not everyone can potentially access the additional care that they need to help them navigate it. But if you can, like, that's one thing I always recommend, like who's doing what in the house and how much of that is all on you. And you know, are you voice feeding? you exclusively like, you know, is that, and that burden then comes on you if you can't pump, then it's always mine.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Mm-hmm. yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:that has to do everything. I mean there's so many factors that play into your inability to get the rest you need and then at the end of the day that trickles into your whole life like you know it could affect your whole function your relationships everything so it's it's
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Everything.
which speaks to paid leave policies for both mom and dad. So going back to how the macro affects the micro.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah, and you know, not only pay leave, but also like, you know, childcare support. Like I know there's so many bills that have attempted to do this, which are stalled and stalled and stalled, you know, they'll never get, you know, that issue for the people that probably need it the most. Whereas, you know, we see that in European countries, so many of these things are accessible or, you know, other countries. So and even if you look at how other women experience postpartum in different cultures, no one's expected to
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yes.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:it alone and no one's expected to go back to work after six to twelve weeks. You know?
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I talk about this every day, but I still have goosebumps talking about it because it's infuriating and women deserve so much better. So all parents, but I work specifically with women. So I'm going to focus on that. I do want to plug postpartum support international. It's a nonprofit that provides free.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:yeah.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Warmline support so if anyone is struggling you can just go on and call someone and or text them and get a message back So yes, we have an inequitable system of health care in this country, but free resources are available. So
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:We'll put that in the show notes for sure so that we are, so people can access that. But I think that's why I look at them most. mean, I have friends who grew up in different countries and they talk about how they got 12 weeks, people were around them doing everything for the baby. They were there, they were getting fed food. I just remember coming home after my first kid and then like,
Lauren Tetenbaum (:They're wasting.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:having to figure out like the dinner that I was so planning. was like, what? Wait, I have to figure out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know. And I it's like, I hate every minute in the kitchen. But it's true. Like, you know, you think about like, come home, oh, wait, I have to deal with this now.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:That's my worst part about being a mom is thinking about other people's meals. I don't cook.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yep.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:And so with each pregnancy, think, know, spouses learn too, like they learn how to support you better. Cause they're also new at it too, right? Like the, think that's what's the other interesting thing is that like, you know, they don't know what they're doing either. They actually have to be told as well because it's such a shift for both, you know, if there's two moms, two dads or husband and wife, you know, whatever the case may be.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Hmm.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Right, but that's why communication is so important. Again, going back to talking about it, because if you're struggling with the mental load, let's assume your partner isn't aware, also wants the best for you, for the family. So let's come up with tools to talk about it. And I do a lot of that work in my practice as well.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:That's awesome. Well, Lauren, thank you so much. You know, I loved having this conversation with you. I have this thing that I've been starting to do on this podcast because my husband says, you know, he actually calls my listeners like the Vagilante Nations. So I gave her this thing called the Vagilante verdict. Like, what's your hot take? Which you've given so many, but like, if for the last final hot take that you would, or a Vagilante verdict that you would.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Love it.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:I love puns. think that's like so fabulous. You don't have to be suffering in order to get support. You deserve support now and always, and it's available.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:What are you telling us first?
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Very nice, yeah. I think that's key. I feel like there's help available. There are people out there and there's no shame in finding therapists, right? I feel like, I agree with you. feel like everyone should, you know.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:It's an automatic gift.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I feel like even for me, just even going through the grief that I did, like having a grief counselor, some of these things were so beneficial to helping navigate, but there's so much stigma that's been associated with it that I know a lot of people still have a hard time, especially in certain cultures, right? We have that huge in certain cultures.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yeah. Well, if you want to put it bluntly, I would say fuck the stigma.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:Yeah, there you go. I love it. Perfect ending. FTS. I'm just gonna thank you. Thank you so much. That's awesome. All right, well, Lauren, thank you so much for joining me today. There's gonna be show notes about how people can get in touch with you and get your book and all the things. For listeners, you can find Lauren at thecounselar.com. Like that's where it
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Too young.
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yes, because lawyers and therapists provide counseling.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:So that was fun.
And pick up Millennial Menopause wherever books are sold. have Amazon and all the bookstores. And just remember, know, listeners, you're not too young for menopause or perimenopause and there's no shame in admitting that this might be happening to you because it can start as early as your late 30s. And so it's really about preparing for it without like the fear associated with it because I think that's how we're going to do better than our previous generations. But remember, you know,
Lauren Tetenbaum (:Yeah.
Dr. Sameena Rahman (:I'm was I saying? Nevermind. Anyway, I'm Dr. Smeeter on Gynecogrel. Thanks for listening to another episode of Gynecogrel Presents Sex, Drugs, and Hormones. Remember, I'm here to educate so you can advocate for yourself. Please join me next week. Yay.
